How To Get Your Children to Tidy Their Rooms!
Almost every parent comes up against this one - and for many it is a source of great aggravation, frustration, and countless fights and arguments. So how do you solve it? Here are some tips:
First, make sure that there is somewhere to put all the stuff. It is no good expecting your child to tidy up if there is no space in cupboards or drawers in which to put it all. This can be difficult in small rooms, so it may take some pre-planning - maybe even installing some additional shelves, boxes under the bed, or chests of drawers.
Always, make more room than is required today, because the stuff will go on increasing and the problem will remain unsolved if there is not sufficient space. Moreover, there should be enough space to let the child take out what he wants without having to empty the whole drawer.
Next thing to do is to make a routine and set up reasonable expectations. Many children are by nature very meticulous and organized; some are not. Also, their concept of tidiness may be very different from yours. If you think you can see their room spic and span all through the day, you are mistaken. It is an unreasonable expectation; it will only lead to frustration. It would be better if you take your child's views and then establish a reasonable standard of tidiness, and how often that should be achieved.
Which leads on to the next consideration. What is your goal? Is your goal to teach your children how to responsibly look after their belongings - or is it that their untidiness upsets and irritates you? This is important because, in order to achieve the first goal, you will need to allow them to fail at times - ie, not tidy up, and live with the consequences of that. Which may mean that you have to put up with their untidiness for a bit longer!
You need to establish reasonable expectations, such as putting things away before bedtime and a once-a-week thorough tidy-up. Then you can draw up some kind of contract.
In this you should spell out the consequences for success and failure. Give clear indications of what the rewards or punishments would be.
Again, the focus should be on rewards not punishments. Give them earned privileges based on achieving the goal. You may want to combine them with a chart system connected to other chores.
Of course, you can use some punishments for failure also, but they must be logical consequences, and not out of proportion with the crime. Many parents find the "black bag" technique quite effective. This is a simple exercise of picking up anything still lying on the floor at 1pm on Saturday and putting it into a big black bag. This bag will be thrown into the attic, basement or garage for a week. This bag can be ?earned' back if the tidy goal is achieved next Saturday or it will be thrown into the basement and finally into the garbage. But most children learn the lesson much before that happens because they run out of toys.
The secret of success of this exercise is in remaining calm and firm. Avoid shouting or other punishments. Just go at the appointed time and collect the offending articles.
You will need to do it only a couple of times because if you mean business, most children will hate the sight of the black bag and tidy up the room before they have to set eyes on it again.
There may be times when you want their room to be tidied because you are expecting guests. This is your need and you need to borrow your child's room for a night or two. So, don't include this in the contract. For this, you must give extra incentives for tidying up the room.
Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading expert on child behaviour. He has a fascinating website with lots of expert parenting advice that is well worth a visit. More of his articles can be found here: free articles on parenting
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