Is My Toddler Ready for Toilet Training?
Toilet training often provokes great anxiety in parents. Many seem to see it as some sort of competition - the earlier they get their child potty trained the brighter their child must be, and the better they as parents must be. Total nonsense of course! Trying to potty train your child before he or she is ready is a recipe for frustration, frayed nerves, and traumatized children.
So, the first thing is to wait for your child to be ready for toilet training before you begin to do so. It will make the whole process much easier, happier, and less stressful. It really doesn't matter that your little one is trained three months later than your neighbor's child.
Every child is different. Very few toddlers are genuinely toilet trained before the age of 20 months. Most start at around the age of two or three (boys later than girls), and some are even later than that. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4, although 10% are still bedwetting at the age of 5. There is no rush. Trying to force the issue before they are ready can set up problems, such as soiling, that can continue for many years into the future.
Nevertheless, you have to make an effort to prepare your child for the great Potty Training Experience. Here are some tips to know when he or she is ready to start and how to go about it.
1. Before you start with potty training, it is important for your child to be familiar with the body parts, their functions, and the names you use as a family. Every family has its own names. So, it really doesn't matter what names you give as long as everyone knows what they mean.
2. Despite concerns shown against it, I think it is a good idea to let your child witness you or other family member, preferably of the same sex, using the toilet. If you do it naturally, your child will get the idea that it is the natural thing to do. Contrary to some misconceptions, it will not traumatize your child. Talk about it as a grown-up thing to do. This will prepare your child for using a potty to begin with and then the big toilet. It instills a sense of anticipation since all toddlers want to do the things that grown-ups do. You can allow your child to flush the toilet to get used to the whole process.
3. Fix a date for starting the toilet training. Bring the small potty out before that and leave it in a visible place. Talk to your child about what it is, and what it is for. Ask him when he would like to use it, but don't start right away.
How to know when the child is ready? Look for these signs:
1. The time will come when he will tell you when he is wet or dirty. Change his diaper immediately to give a clean and dry feeling as against being wet and dirty. Soon he will come and tell you that he needs a diaper change. Make sure you do it straight away and offer a lot of praise.
2. In the beginning, children find it difficult to physically manage the potty. They are not steady and might fall off. Also, they don't get enough warning so there may be some accidents leading to frustration with getting to the bathroom and getting clothes off. If this is happening too often, it is better to wait another month or two.
3. Can she follow directions and instructions? Can she, for example, carry out an instruction to take a piece of tissue and throw it into the toilet? If not, or if she stubbornly refuses, then that probably needs to be addressed first.
4. Are there signs of developing bowel and bladder control? For example, are the bowel motions settling into a clear pattern such as twice a day after meals? Are stools firm and well formed? Is she able to stay dry for several hours at a time? If not, she may not be able to contain herself long enough to get to the bathroom. On the other hand, also make sure that she is not straining or experiencing pain on passing a motion as that can lead to deliberate witholding and a whole host of problems that can become very intractable and long term. She may need a change of diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.
5. Does she have a positive feeling about toiletting? If you have done the preparatory work, she should be looking forward to the day she can use a toilet like a grown up. However, some children do develop fears about flushing water etc, which you will need to resolve before starting the toilet training. Again, familiarity with the toilet should alleviate most of this. Practice sitting on the potty (in clothes) may reassure her that she won't disappear and get flushed away like the poo does.
If you have done your preparatory work well, you will not have much difficulty in toilet training your little toddler. Remember to praise success, but there should be no punishments for failures.
Bon Voyage!
Dr. Noel Swanson has a free newsletter on children's behavior problems and also writes regularly for Yes Parenting website.
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