What Can You Do When Your Child Steals?
There are a lot of reasons kids steal. Some kids steal for comfort, to impress a group of friends, get retaliate against their parents, or sometimes to simply get the things they want.
The big question of course is, how to make them stop? They need to find other ways to get those needs met and you need to help.
Repeat offenders do so for one simple reason: because it works. Regardless of their motivation: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing fulfils their needs.
The best way to prevent stealing from happening is to find another way to meet their needs. Once their needs are met, they won't have to continue stealing.
Your primary emphasis is on promoting honesty. You can use everyday events, such as stories from television or school, to begin to instill the values of honesty, integrity, and family morals.
At the same time, you need to model the behavior yourself. Are you conscientious about returning change when you are given too much in a store, what do you do when you find a wallet or money in the street? Your children learn by watching you.
Keep your eyes on your children. Catch them in the act of being good instead of focusing on when they are doing something wrong. Children respond to reward and praise for their little acts of honesty. This helps promote a culture of honesty in the home.
Give the stolen goods back to the owner, with the additional compensation and a heartfelt apology.
Children respond to being encouraged to do the right thing. This means making things right. This means a variety of steps, not just paying back what was stolen, but also paying compensation for the inconvenience and disrespect caused by the theft. Encourage the child to find solutions him or herself with your support. Here are some ideas:
If the goods have already be sold and spent, he may have to sell some of his possessions (perhaps to you) to pay for them and the fine. Make sure what he sells is gone for good.
If taken from a stranger, remove the items (perhaps hand them in at the police station) and impose a fine or loss of privileges.
Giving him the chance to return the stolen goods to the victim, teaches your child about doing the right thing. If he won't do it then it's up to you to set an even higher penalty. You must stay on message, which is always doing the honest thing. Honesty is the best policy even if it comes after the theft.
Just as jail isn't a deterrent to a real criminal, grounding your child most likely won't cause him to change the behavior.
The final point is to let it go once the event is over. Go back to work at rewarding right behavior and quit concentrating on the wrong. What we all should strive for continually promoting honesty. Your child isn't your enemy, the dishonest behavior is.
Sometimes the temptation is to impose a long grounding sentence. Remember, jail does not reform hardened criminals, so expecting a different result with your own child is not realistic.
Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of The GOOD CHILD Guide, specializes in children's behavioural difficulties and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be contacted through his website: www.good-child-guide.com. This article is copyright. You are encouraged, however, to freely copy it provided this signature block is included without modification (other than the addition of your own affiliate link)
Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading expert on child behaviour. He has a top selling book of parenting advice (The GOOD CHILD Guide) as well as fascinating website with lots of parenting advice that is well worth a visit: http://www.good-child-guide.com
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