The Decision to Divorce
It is often said that buying a house or getting married are the major decisions in life. But the decision to divorce is an even bigger decision. This article considers some aspects of decision making in relation to divorce.
When we consider divorce, we soon realise that it never easy because it involves pain and distress for everyone associated with it. But there is another aspect, too. When couples marry, the idea of divorce is not even considered. However, as soon as we start to contemplate divorce, we have to accept that it is a huge change in our lives and such a change can be, for some, a reason not to proceed. After all, the decision to divorce goes against the hopes and dreams we once had. This for some people is an obstacle in itself, but there are many others to consider and some of these are discussed here.
For parents, it is the children that present the greatest obstacle to divorce. No parent wants to cause pain or unhappiness in their children particularly if the children are very young. But we have to realise that children are well aware what is going on in the family. Usually, children can detect when their parents are not communicating as they once did. Yet it is a fact that when children are told by their parents that they are about to divorce, it sometimes is greeted with the comments that they could see that was going to happen. Children are very perceptive.
Divorce brings about changes in the home if one of the parents finds it necessary to leave. This of course changes what goes on in the home and for children they can experience distress because one of their parents is missing. It is therefore essential that arrangements are put in place for the absent parent to meet frequently with their children.
The matrimonial home is often the center of huge disputes in divorce. But is this avoidable? If you consider that the house is merely a collection of materials such a timber, tiles, blocks and shingles then the idea of a home diminishes. In reality, it is the residents that turn the house into a home. Divorce means that the parents have become unhappy in the home, too, so why invest a lot of time in it trying to retain it? Lots of nice houses exists and with the right touch, these can be turned into delightful homes. Is it not better to dispose of the once family home and divide the money received? Use the proceeds to buy another one as there are many out there waiting for you.
Now that the family home and the children have been mentioned, it is appropriate to consider the husband and wife that seek the divorce. The ending of a marriage is very distressing. Equally, staying in a marriage that is failing is also distressing. So, is there any real reason why you should continue with all this distress? It wastes a lot of energy and because of this, is pointless.
In the past, you had beautiful moments of love, happiness, peace and joy. And what you should remember is that these emotions have not been eradicated from within you. Leading up to the decision to divorce and divorce itself, means that these emotions do not currently form part of your life, but they can be ignited again if you so choose.
The decision to proceed with a divorce is for some people harder than the divorce itself. Divorce is the outcome of enormous pressures such as whether you should or whether you should not proceed. This is a huge dilemma and only you can decide. Of course, you can take advice from lawyers, councilors and other professionals, but in the end it is you that has to decide.
However, many people find that after they have taken advice and formally instructed their lawyer to proceed with divorce, there is a sense of relief. This relief is a release of tension because finally the actual decision to divorce has been made and the rest in a kind of way is just a legal process. Whilst the legal process of divorce will have its stresses, it is a fact that you are moving toward a new goal, namely peace and freedom.
Nobody can tell you whether or not to divorce your partner or not. The decision to end a marriage through formal divorce proceedings is not easy whether you are the person bringing the divorce (the petitioner) or on the receiving end of a divorce (the respondent)
But of course, it is important to check if divorce is the correct thing to do right now. You will need to explore the consequences of seeking a divorce at this stage in your life, or postponing it until a later time. It is always a good idea to find out as much as you possibly can about divorce and it is advised that you write all you find out down, rather than committing it to your memory. By writing things down, you will be able to look at the issues in front of you and your decision to go for a divorce right now or in a while will be clear to see.
Rita Willetts is the webmaster and operator of Apres Divorce a web site which focuses on divorce issues. For more information, go to: http://www.apresdivorce.com
Rating: Not yet rated
Comments
No comments posted yet.
Add Comment
You do not have permission to comment. If you log in, you may be able to comment.
